Tip The Bouncer
Upon entering, you should always slide dollars to the bouncer, especially if there is no cover charge. Not only will it turn the bouncer into a friend for life (okay, maybe for five minutes), but it will go a long way in getting you good seats.

If there's a particular seat that you want, don't be afraid to ask for it. "Perverts Row," the area around the stage, is usually the busiest part, but they can always make room for you if your tip is more than loose change. Also be aware that special seats such as booths or VIP lounges will cost you extra.

Dress Appropriately
While most gentlemen's clubs don't have dress codes, make sure to look your best. If anything, the dancers will be more attentive. However, should you visit seedy clubs -- the backwoods watering hole where the main attraction is the owner's middle-aged wife standing on a stool sweeping the floor with the tip of her breasts -- you shouldn't wear your nicest Armani three-piece. These kinds of bars are usually frequented by close-knit bands of locals, and looking like an outsider can bring on trouble.

Befriend The DJ
It's actually one of the best-kept secrets of the strip-club circuit. DJs are the most connected employees in the joint; they know the ladies and can hook you up should you be in their good graces.

In many joints, dancers receive no salaries and actually have to pay the DJ to go up on stage; they make their money with table or lap dances. So buy the guy a drink, tell him you like the music. You probably won't regret it.

Ask About Prices
Strip clubs are like boobs: You'll never find two that are exactly alike (okay, bad analogy). Don't be afraid to ask about the fees for dances, booth, VIP lounge, etc. Some dances feature props and could cost you more. Or you may even discover that you can in fact afford two-girl table dances. It pays to inquire.

Be forward with what you want. No one can presume to know what you're thinking, not even your mother, no matter what she says. You should therefore be outspoken about your needs. Ask. If you want a particular dancer to come to your table, simply ask her.

Ask her exactly what type of services she offers and what you expect. If it doesn't work out, fine, but at least you'll know. Also, don't be afraid to turn down a lady who offers you a dance if you don't feel like it; a simple "No thanks, maybe later" will suffice.

Don't get too drunk, but do tip the ladies -- they'll thank you for it...